Making change stick
On new year’s day in 2019, I hopped on the gratitude journaling bandwagon, inspired by studies claiming 21 days of gratitude could boost happiness. Would it rewire my brain and create a lifelong habit? Spoiler alert: I’ve got a blank notebook with about 12 gratitude’s from that year. Turns out, habit change is hard—shocking, I know.
New Year’s resolutions are basically a cultural ritual where we declare big changes, feel smug for a week, and then abandon ship by late January. For some, it’s no big deal. For others, failing to stick with resolutions just gives that inner critic a megaphone. If we actually want to make a change, though, what works? Here's some key tips and tricks.
Approach, Don’t Avoid
If you’re trying to stop doing something—like avoiding doomscrolling or fighting with your sibling—you’re setting yourself up for frustration. Why? Because those habits already have well-worn brain pathways, muscle memory, and external triggers behind them. Plus, research shows that “avoid” goals make us feel less satisfied, less competent, and more likely to question our life choices. Fun, right?
To make an approach goal, consider what you want more of in your life vs what you want to stop doing. Transform “I’m staying off my phone at night” into “I’m reading 10 pages of a book before bed.” See the difference? One feels like punishment; the other feels like progress.
SMART Goals: Annoying but Effective
For anyone that has been tortured by SMART goals at work, I get it. But it turns out that making personal goals Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound actually works. Want to declutter? ‘I’ll tackle one drawer a day’ is less overwhelming than ‘Marie Kondo my entire house.’ Progress adds up fast.
Get Real Support
Publicly declaring your resolution on Facebook is not “social support”; it’s just annoying (I said what I said). Real support looks like finding an accountability buddy or system. Text a friend when you start or finish your task. Share before-and-after task photos. Or co-opt technology—log your change habit in an app or journal.
Want to take it up a notch? Partner with someone making a similar change. Go for a walk while catching up on the phone, clean together on FaceTime, or schedule parallel work sessions. You’d be surprised how motivating “Let’s suffer through this together” can be.
Therapy: The Ultimate Change Hack
Sometimes, we need more than approach goals, making change SMART, and accountability—we need to unpack the beliefs and patterns driving our behaviors. Therapy can help you tackle procrastination, figure out why change feels impossible, or hold you accountable to your goals. And let’s be honest: making change is hard. But with the right tweaks, tools, and support, it’s not impossible.
